


only us

by dreamtiwasanarchitect



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Drinking, Drinking Games, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani and Nicky | Nicolò di Genova Acting Like a Married Couple, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani and Nicky | Nicolò di Genova are in Love, M/M, Nile Freeman Has the Team's Only Brain Cell, Post-Canon, Riding, Rimming, Sexual Fantasy, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:02:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28225809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamtiwasanarchitect/pseuds/dreamtiwasanarchitect
Summary: It’s Nicky’s turn. He looks at Joe, who’s responsible for (or at least complicit in) nearly all of his have-evers. What haven’t they done?“Oh,” he says, as the realization hits. “Never have I ever had a threesome.”
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 36
Kudos: 411





	only us

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this god-tier kinkmeme prompt:
> 
> "Joe & Nicky dirty talk about threesomes and orgies over the centuries, and even try to make them happen more than once, but fail each time because they get distracted by each other/bored or disinterested in the other participants."

“Okay,” Nile says, “five, that’s ‘Never Have I Ever.’” She looks at them expectantly.

Nicky glances over at Joe, who shrugs. Andy cracks open another beer on the coffee table, adding to its collection of dings and dents.

“You will need to explain,” Nicky tells Nile as gently as he can. 

He sees her bite back her exasperation. “Right, okay. We each hold up five fingers.” She demonstrates and waits for them to mimic. 

“Then we each go around and say something you’ve never done. Like, ‘never have I ever been killed by a grenade,’ or something. And if you have done that thing, you have to put a finger down and drink. And whoever has all fingers down first loses and has to chug.”

Joe’s eyes glint. “So the point is to say something you have never done, but others have?”

“Yeah, exactly.” Nile looks relieved. 

“What does it have to be about?” Andy asks.

“What’d you mean?”

“What does the thing you’ve never done have to be about?”

“It can be about anything!” Nile pauses. “It does usually have to do with sex, though.”

Andy grins. “This is the least dumb one.”

Privately, Nicky agrees. He doesn’t particularly understand the fun in racing to point at the ceiling or playing a game where someone drinks based on their genitalia, but Nile seems to be enjoying herself.

“I’m going first,” Andy says. “Never have I ever gotten blown in a confessional booth.” She looks at Nicky pointedly.

He sighs. “So I drink now?”

“And put a finger down, right, Nile?”

“Um, yep,” Nile says. She looks a little scandalized, which does not bode well for the rest of the game. Nicky gives Andy a little frown, but she just smirks.

“Me next?” Joe asks. Nile nods. “Never have I ever penetrated someone with a wine bottle.”

Andy rolls her eyes and puts down a finger. “That was one time,” she says, and drinks.

Nile’s eyebrows are in danger of disappearing. 

It’s Nicky’s turn. He looks at Joe, who’s responsible for (or at least complicit in) nearly all of his have-evers. What haven’t they done?

“Oh,” he says, as the realization hits. “Never have I ever had a threesome.”

“Wait, really?” Nile asks.

“Bullshit!” Andy cries. 

“It’s not bullshit,” Joe says, scowling at Andy.

“You really haven’t had a threesome? You two, nine hundred years?” 

“We have not,” Nicky says. 

“Wow.” Nile looks a little impressed. “That’s…kind of sweet.”

“Estonia!” Andy yells, indignant. “Early…1700s?” 

“It didn’t actually happen, we got…a little distracted.” Joe shoots him a quick wink. 

Nile no longer looks impressed. She gives Nicky a suspicious look.

“Well,” he says with a little shrug, “it was not for lack of trying.” 

———

After the game is over, Nicky and Joe stumble up to their room. “Shit. It’s been awhile since I’ve been this…” Joe gestures.

“Drunk?” Nicky supplies.

“I’m not drunk,” Joe insists. “Just…more than tipsy.”

“A smidge inebriated?” 

“Yes, exactly. But if I was drunk, could I do this?” He hooks his fingers in Nicky’s belt loops and pulls their hips flush. 

“Hm, no, certainly not.”

“Exactly.” Their noses brush, then they’re kissing, unhurried but deep. 

“You know,” Joe says when they come up for air, “maybe we should try again.”

“Hm?”

“A threesome. Or, you know, any sort of group sex.”

Nicky drops his forehead to Joe’s shoulder and groans. “ _Yusuf_.” 

“What?”

“We gave up, remember, after Ibiza? It never works out.”

“Yes, but…I know how much you like the idea.”

“I also like the idea of keeping you permanently naked and chained to the bed—”

Joe’s eyebrows raise. “Go on.”

Nicky huffs. “My point is, just because I like the idea of something, does not mean it can happen.”

“Yes, but you have to admit that isn’t a great comparison. The threesome thing is entirely attainable,” Joe says. “Though, I’ll say it for the record, if you’re serious about pursuing the naked-and-chained-to-the-bed idea—”

Nicky bites his neck. “If it were attainable, we would have made it happen by now.” He sighs. “Besides, I am to blame for our failure.” 

“And how do you figure that?” 

“I am the one who always gets—distracted, as you said.” 

“Sweden,” Joe protests.

“Very well, but all the other times.”

“Well.” Joe snakes a hand under Nicky’s shirt. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, my love. I’ve been told I’m extremely handsome and devastatingly charming.”

Nicky laughs. “Yes, whoever told you such things is correct.”

“And,” Joe continues, voice low and serious, “in Sweden—the way you fucking looked, Nico—I wasn’t about to share you.” 

Heat pools in Nicky’s belly. He grinds against Joe. “That’s how I feel, every time.” 

“But if you learned how to share?” 

Fuck. Joe knows just how worked up he gets, thinking about this. “If they were good enough, deserving enough, if they would make you feel good—I would let someone have the privilege of going to bed with you.”

“And what would we get up to, this mystery person and I?” Joe starts walking them toward the bed. 

“They could fuck you.” Nicky falls back on to the bed, shedding his own shirt, then moving on to Joe’s while Joe works at his belt. 

“Tell me,” Joe presses. He loves to hear Nicky put his fantasies into words, though Nicky has never felt particularly adept at doing so. 

“I’d have them put you on your hands and knees, so I could watch your face while they took you from behind.” Once they’re naked, Joe straddles him.

“Would you get me ready for them?”

“Yes, because I know how picky you are.” Nicky gives Joe’s ass a little smack, and Joe grins as he leans over to root for the lube in their nightstand drawer.

“You know just how I like it,” Joe says, handing him the lube and rocking up to stand on his knees.

Nicky slicks up his fingers and circles one around Joe’s rim, just the ghost of a touch before he starts to let the contact linger, rubbing firmly as Joe’s muscle relaxes. 

“Mm, Nico, you’re so good at this. What happens after you get me ready?”

Nicky pushes his index finger into Joe, sure but careful movements. “They will come and get you in position.”

“Yes, ah—and?” Joe’s voice is breathy as Nicky works in a second finger. 

“I will tell them exactly how you like it. They’ll start slow, let you get used to it, to them.”

“What else will you tell them?” Joe rocks up and down on Nicky’s fingers. 

“That you like to be teased.”

“Lies,” Joe pants. “Slander.”

“You love it,” Nicky insists. “Shallow thrusts. Almost what you need, but not quite.”

“Nicky,” Joe says, and he wraps a hand around his cock.

Nicky drags it away. “No, no. You can come on their cock. When they stop teasing and start fucking you properly, nice and hard and deep.” 

Joe whimpers. “It’s not going to be enough, Nicky—”

“How do you know that?”

“Because it’s not _you_.”

“I’ll have you,” Nicky promises, fucking his fingers into Joe as fast as he can, determined to brush his prostate each time. “After, when you’re all wet and open and dripping—I’ll know what you need.” 

“Give it to me, Nicky, please, please.” 

Nicky pulls his fingers from Joe and coats his cock with lube. “Come on, then, my love.” 

They both moan as Joe sinks down. Nicky fights to keep his eyes open, not wanting to miss a second of seeing Joe split open on his cock. 

“They could watch this, I would let them,” he says, feeling a little out of his mind. “I would let them see how beautiful you are like this, how you can come untouched.” 

“Just for you, Nico,” Joe pants, leaning back on his hands for leverage. 

Nicky watches as Joe chases his pleasure, entranced. He keeps still for as long as he can, but before long the urge to fuck up into Joe is too strong, so he plants his heels more firmly into the mattress and lifts his hips as Joe grinds down.

“Fuck, Nicky!” He braces his hand on Nicky’s chest, and Nicky holds his hips, dragging him down on to his cock. 

“Good?”

“Yes, fuck, come on, I’m close, love—“

“I could never let anyone else see you like this,” Nicky admits breathlessly. “You are _mine_.” 

Joe makes a low, pained noise and comes, falling forward to catch himself with a hand on either side of Nicky’s head. Nicky knows Joe will soon start feeling unpleasantly full and overstimulated, so he abandons any pretense of finesse and rabbits his hips into him as fast as he can.

“Nicky,” Joe hisses in his ear, “make me yours, fill me up with your come—” and that’s all it takes to make Nicky’s hips stutter as he spills into Joe.

Nicky’s still trying to catch his breath when Joe kisses him. It’s a messy slide of mouths, both of them uncoordinated and lethargic. 

“That was nice,” Joe says after Nicky tugs him away with a hand in his curls. He winces a little at the squelching sound their bodies make as he maneuvers off Nicky.

Nicky nudges Joe to lay on his stomach, drinking in the sight of his come glistening in Joe’s hole. The thought of it being someone else’s is terribly arousing, but ultimately unbearable. Covetousness, Nicky thinks, has always been chief among his mortal sins. 

Propped up on his elbows, Joe looks up at Nicky from over his shoulder. He raises an eyebrow. “Going to lick it out of me?”

Nicky’s lips twitch as he fights a smile. “Well. Since you’ve insisted.”

Joe buries his face into the bed with a satisfied groan as Nicky spreads his cheeks. 

———

“Hey,” Nile says the next morning. “I can’t believe I’m about to bring this up during breakfast, but you know they have apps for—” she waves her fork at Nicky and Joe “—that now.” 

Joe, still half-asleep, just frowns over his coffee. 

“Apps for what?” Nicky asks.

“You know, like, couples seeking a third, or whatever.”

“Ah.” Nicky looks to Joe, considering. Joe’s biting the inside of his cheek, trying not to laugh.

“We will think about it,” he tells Nile.

Andy rolls her eyes and spears herself another pancake. 


End file.
